Well, my cyber-fiancé (who shall remain nameless in order to protect her privacy) has dumped me over this bovine fling thing. I guess I really stepped in it this time. I haven't been so embarrassed since Eyewitness News and their damn nightvision cameras caught me with that east side hooker, ass in the air, leaning inside my Beemer's side window.

How was I to know "she" was a transvestite? Christ.

I think what I'll miss most of all is those...suppers...on the dinette table at Rogue's place ( #69 Big 'O' Trailer Park, East Jesus, SC. 555-0501). The way she would teasingly baste my plump, firm, all-beef wiener with her special clam sauce, lovingly slip it into her tight, springy buns and expertly bake it in her warm oven until...until...UNTIL...oh God...OH GOD!...JESUS!...ahhhHHHHH!...done.